Have had a visitor for the past four days and it's been lovely to have her here, albeit a teensy-eensy bit weird. That's just me.
For the first time in a few weeks, despite the meds being at their max, I'm feeling the shakes and the shivers and generally feeling like my mind has taken a world-record kicking and that it continues to take a kicking every day when I wake up until I close my eyes on the pillow -- and then it takes (if you haven't guessed already) ANOTHER kicking in my sleep.
I'm so very, very tired of this and the pictures that my mind is showing me aren't helping.
For reference:
1. I don't want flowers and mountains and beaches and everything - I know that I'm way beyond redemption
2. I don't want anything other than what I do for a living now: I LOVE what I do and I fear that I'm going to lose it again and if / when I do this time - it's gone for good.
This feels like a bereavement and whilst I was bereaved in 2007, we're now 3.5 years on and I shouldn't be feeling quite this APPALLING now, should I? The persecution going with it is just, truly, truly appalling.
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