I spent too much of it awake, too much of it thinking about the box and it's meaning and wondering about conditions. I am nothing if not a coward: I am ambivalent to the inevitability of the event, but I'd rather it were over quickly rather than lasting for hours.
Work was an absolute G_d send this morning: even though I did a good job and managed to add insight where none had existed before (and my team had a good day) I'm beginning to worry that my crazy is beginning to show through, although, as Bill Hicks said:
"...so, uh, bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time... I'm kinda tired of travelling, kinda tired of doing comedy, kinda tired of staring out at your blank faces looking back at me, wanting me to fill your empty lives with humour you couldn't possibly think of yourselves."
Now, substitute the word "comedy" for "intelligence" and the word "humour" for "insight" and you're seeing what I'm up against. I think I'm beginning to see what Bill meant when, a couple of months before he died, standing on a stage he finally said: "I can't do this any more. It's time."
And as for me and the forthcoming festivities? We'll leave that for another post.
Positive note: 375mg now on board and feeling its effects .
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