Angry but also ... not

What a morning.

Awoke with a start before 7am thinking that it was 10am with the light streaming through the window...nope, 6:20am. Damn it. Oh well. Get up, attend to ablutions, take dog for walk, go back to bed. All done, back to bed, up again just after 9am.

Called the bank where the company has it's account to check that the payment from *** has appeared. Nope. This has a knock on effect which is somewhat distressing - no payment to me means no payment of bills. Not stressing, not stressing, not stressing ... OK, I'm stressing a bit.

I agreed with the company - who were incapable of making payment on the due date for billings - not to charge them interest and to receive four monthly payments. I wrote to them to confirm this arrangement. The first payment arrived; the second - due today - has not. Furthermore, I agreed to not escalate this issue internally within their organisation and deal only with their group FD who is - apparently - not there today, but wasn't answering any of his emails or text messages last week either. His mobile number goes straight to voice mail.

Turning back to the question(s) of the great hunt ... I'm now awaiting a series of papers for completion from the largeco who might want me to go work for them. Further, I met an American company last week who might also want me to go work for them, so it's not as if I'm in a position of having no work and no-one wanting to employ me.

The big project that I worked to create the team for (named after a tree) is now so close to bearing fruit it can almost taste it. The website is created the underlying structure is there and - because of the acts of a vindictive idiot - I have no public part to play in what is acknowledged by all to be My Idea.

Another project I am working on at the moment with a big credit reference agency in the UK on affordability. For those of you reading who are remotely interested I invented a method by which affordability could be accurately predicted on a forwards-looking basis in 2007 and it was eschewed by my then clients as being "too complex". Fair enough, if it was too complex why did you show it to FSA and why have FSA now published it as their new standard in 2010?! ... so with an academic colleague, I'm working this up into something a little more effective which we can then flog on to the world in general.

As to my mental health...had a lovely visitor at the weekend and we spent the weekend walking on egg shells around each other: she was spaced and her spacedness was contagious, causing me to be - at least a little - spaced too. Went to see a film though, that was good, if a little too much in the way of bright light and noise and then yesterday went to the planetarium which was a joy to behold. Whenever I go to the planetarium or a similar venue I remember being a child, being the super-geeky kid who dreamt of being an astronomer for a living, of doing what he so loved to do -- look at the night sky in awe -- and imagine being paid to do it.

From the point of view of my mental health I saw a lot of people yesterday and they were all uproariously happy: that's a wonderful state of affairs but not one, I fear, that I share with them. Whenever I see happy people I'm impressed that one of two states occur, either:

(a) they're faking it -- how can anyone be that happy for that long?

(b) they're genuinely happy

In any event, kudos are due.

My meds are having the desired effect in reducing my emotional reaction to stuff. Still thinking dark, dark thoughts but thus far the planning stage is only mental (e.g., I'm only thinking about it rather than doing anything about it).